Today’s post is about discovering inner strength
and eliminating the misery that plaques most of our minds. I just completed a course at
the Vipassana Center in Northern California. I have been off-the-grid in the
woods silent for a few days before, but nothing can compare to this recent
experience of being silent and meditating for 10 days alongside forty other people.
When my friends and family heard that I was going, they all laughed at the
challenge for someone like me, the Italian, to be quiet. I knew it would be a challenge, but knew it
was time that I found peace f mind at a deeper level.
I left Sedona shortly before dawn and journeyed to Kelseyville. I was nervous, knowing
that in a short time that I would have to be silent for 240 straight hours and
for the next ten days I would be without the recent love of my life… bacon. As I entered
the compound, a feeling of extreme peace washed over me, calming my trepidation.
I was assigned a cabin and promptly deposited my belongings
in my room. I spied someone’s clothes in one of the other two beds and was curious about my roommate. I walked to the cabin's front room to find four young girls sitting on the two beds. Oh, I am the oldest of the group, I thought, as I surveyed my new
cabin mates. We still had a few hours before the silence began, so we got all the last bits of speech out of our systems and we became acquainted. With not one of this fine young women over the
age of 24, I was taken aback by the courage of this foursome. And I discovered
that each of us either currently or at one time sported at least one dreadlock.
The universe was certainly welcoming me with the flavor of my hometown of
Sedona, putting the only hippies at this retreat together in one cabin.
As I listened to the stories that brought them to this
place, it gave me courage, as I contemplated the courage of these young women undertaking such an arduous task. I tuned in and felt their energy, each different, yet all filled
with love. There was Amanda, originally from Sweden, whose alabaster skin
complimented her light eyes; a single dread hidden among her long golden blond
hair. She was the only true Vegan in the group. As I looked upon her thin
physique, I was a little jealous, thinking of how easily it was going to be for
her to get her legs into a meditation position.
There was Camille from San Francisco, whose medium length
dark hair gently framed her slightly rounded face. Her outlook on life was positive, as she
shared some of her history. She reminded me a lot of myself twenty years ago,
with her bubbly personality and infectious smile.
There was Hannah, an endearing young woman of twenty-one
years, whose full head of dreads were tied in a ponytail. I felt an instant kinship to this youngest of
the group. She reminded me so much of my young friend Kate from Sedona. The
wonder of the world sparkled in her eyes, and her energy was a combination of courage
and innocence. It was obvious to me that she had stepped out of the comfort
zone of a more traditional upbringing to embrace life outside the two-by-two
illusion that most of us are brought up believing. I give her the most credit
for looking at life in a different way as she discovered herself. Her eclectic style evident by her handmade
creations. I smiled as I looked upon her, like a proud older sister.
Then there was my roommate, Camille from Canada, whose
beauty inside and out lit up the room. She was the tallest and quietest of the
bunch. I thought, wow, silence should be easy for this gal, her words always carefully
chosen.
Just as I thought our group was complete, right before
silence began, we had a late arrival. Her name was Renae. She was dark with
short black hair, her shyness apparent as she kept to herself, her eyes showed the
pain she was experiencing. I did not know what it was, just that it was there.
That first evening, there was a group orientation and
instruction on the meditation technique. My heart beat hard when the noble
silence began, not knowing if I had the fortitude to be silent for 240 hours as I closed my trap for the first time in decades. They were all business as the girls who so openly and effortlessly chatted
just a few hours before, became silent. There would be no more laughter,
singing, glances, eye contact or talking. I was in it and there was no turning
back now.
The next morning came too soon as the bell rang at four o’clock.
It was time for my first full day of meditation and I enthusiastically jumped out of bed and
quickly got dressed. The sky was still black and the cold air bit my face as I
made my way to the hall along with the many other early risers. In silence, I
found my space and sat down folding my legs into the best lotus position I
could. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. There would be no
visual, no mantra that I would perform for this technique and I had difficulty,
continually bringing my wandering mind back on point until the breakfast bell
rang. It was only six-thirty in the morning, yet my stomach was feeling as if I
had not eaten in a few days as I made my way to the dining hall. It was hard
not to glance at anyone as I stood in line, waiting my turn. After breakfast it
was back to the hall for more mediation until lunch, then a similar routine
before evening tea and fruit. The night ended at nine o’clock after the
discourse and final evening mediation. I smiled as I laid down in bed that
first night, proud that I had been silent for the entire day.
When the bell rang for day 2, I found moving difficult, my muscles tight and sore from the hours of mediation from the previous day. I
wondered if my cabin mates had any idea of what pain felt like; their young bodies
still nimble. I made my way to the hall and smirked as I saw most of them piling
pillows around their meditation space. Ah,
I thought, so I am not the only one
feeling the pain I am not alone after
all. They all sat there, enduring each and every minute along with me.
Now I had to show them my strength; that the eldest of the
group could sit strong. After all, I just spoke to a women’s group before
leaving Arizona about empowerment and strength telling them “Women,we are strong and mighty.” It was time I acted like it, regardless of the pain I was
experiencing. I smiled as the pain came, and with time, it eased, showing me
the impermanence of everything in life. Each day’s silence became easier as I
looked forward to mediation. My mind was mostly quiet as I embraced the pain
and other sensations in my body as an observer. My nightly dreams resolutions
to past relationships and situations.
As each day came and went as I was determined to keep my
mind from wandering while mediating. During this one hour rest, however, I let
the ideas fly, not turning off my brain as articles and chapters a-plenty
swirled in my head. And I allowed my taste buds to be tantalized by the
wonderful love-filled culinary vegetarian creations prepared by the volunteers,
although my overall appetite was almost gone. I blessed those culinary angels, hardly
missing my staple love, bacon.
I was changing, becoming lighter, more filled with the Divine Love within.
I could see the changes in my cabin
mates as well; the energy around Camille from San Francisco, growing brighter than
the small lantern she swung in her right hand as she made her way the hall in
the dark sky; Hannah’s effervescence never faded, her
unwavering determination showing me her strength; Amanda becoming more perky
with each morning that passed; and Renae, who had the most difficulty with
stillness in those long meditations became statuesque; her strength from within now
coming to the surface. My roommate
Camille, the gal from Canada, impressed me with her undying power. Not a hair
or muscle moved as she sat in silence. She was the first to arrive and the last
to leave for each session.
When the last day arrived and we were once again able to
speak, we shared our stories.
As I made my way to the common area I got to
speak to another women whose glow and inner love resonated with me. I had watched
her for the last week of the Vipassana, as she briskly traveled the walking
trails during break time, while I secretly created art with the pine cones, leaves and small stones, spelling out peace and love everywhere. Ah, a kindred
spirit, a sister, I thought, as I sensed a camaraderie with this women who shared a similar bubbly energy to my own. Her
name was Alexis Carra, an actress, starring in a sitcom called Mixology airing
in February 2014. In speaking to her I discovered that she was as beautiful on
the inside as she was stunning on the outside. I smiled, knowing she will continue to attract wonderful opportunities in her field, due to the inner love that she so freely shared with others.
The retreat was now over and although my thighs and knees
were ecstatic, I would miss this place. It was a hard 10 days, yet the most
rewarding of my life and I was happy that I had the discipline and
determination to stick it out. I decided to change my plans and instead of
heading north, I went south to San Francisco, offering two of my cabin mates who
were travelling that way a ride. We said our goodbyes but have already met up as
we all continue our individual journeys of love and peace.
I am most thankful for being able to spend time and witness
such amazing strong young women. They have provided me with hope about the
women who will take the reins when their older sisters are no longer. So thank
you Amanda, Renae, Camille from San Francisco, Camille from Canada, and special
thanks to you Hannah. You have all shown me your strength and for that I am
truly grateful.
Here are some links of items that you may find helpful:
Music
Meditation Pillow
Essential Oil Candles
Chakra and Healing Stones
Love and Blessings now and always,
LeeZa Donatella
leezadonatella.com
