Dating: Do not Hide the Real You

Today's topic is about being forthcoming when dating. Many an article I have written in past years has spoken about taking time between relationships, evaluating where you are, and working on yourself. You have all heard me say that 2 halves do not make a whole, but instead are 2 dysfunctional persons trying to complete themselves through another.

But what happens when you are whole, with the strength of a lion, and you happen to be female? Strong women do not need to be with someone, they choose to out of a desire to share incredible life moments. Like some of you strong women who have written to me, I have a past record of being pretty horrible at dating myself, intimidating some potential partners with what I've done.

Should a strong woman be forthcoming on all that they are, risking that most will run the other way?  If they hold back, they may get more dates, but at what compromise?

I recently had dinner with someone who in the middle of the conversation said, “With all that you have accomplished, why do you need someone?” My response was a little flippant as I nonchalantly flicked my hand up in the air, “For the sex, drugs and rock and roll, of course.”  He didn’t understand my quick wit, and asked what drugs I use. I rolled my eyes before putting my hand to my mouth, now having to explain the comment and that I was not a drug user, all the time thinking why did I say yes to this date.

I found myself in quiet contemplation this morning on this subject about being forthcoming.  The answer came in the lyrics of a song from Frozen called Let it Go

Don't let them in, don't let them see,
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know,
Well now they know Let it go, let it go,
Can't hold it back anymore.

You should never hide your true self from the world. 

In dating be yourself, embrace your uniqueness and strength. Potential partners who are intimidated by a strong woman are not the ones that would make for long lasting relationships filled with the substance and depth that your mind and spirit require.  

LeeZa Donatella


Always Learning Growing and Breaking Through

The way I am guided is at times harsh with extreme opportunities for positive growth, at times prophetic with the right words that move me forward written on a chalk board when I am searching for answers and other times comical. It was a recent Saturday morning and I was to rise early and attend a half day Vipassana silent meditation. Alas, it was cancelled. I decided instead to spend that time in my place, sitting in my hanging chair in quiet meditation. As I sat comfortably legs folded, I found myself on the ground, as the bolt holding it somehow got unscrewed. Nothing was hurt, not even my pride, as I meekly laughed out loud trying not to add to the loud noise that had already roused neighbors at dawn on a well-deserved day off from the hustle and bustle after a long work week.

I looked up to the ceiling professing, “Yeah that was subtle." Was I talking to anyone but myself? Who knows, but I sat on the couch knowing that there was apparently something else that I was supposed to be doing today. This is not the first time that I needed to be hit over the head to move forward and most likely it would not be the last. But this morning, I was paying attention. How could I not, the soreness in my coccyx bone an immediate reminder of the message.  I would like to jump to the moral here before I share with you the wonderful experience I had. Be cognizant of the sighs that are helping you find your way forward. It is much easier to go with the flow that get thrown over to get your attention.

Now to the amazing event that I participated in. With now a new opportunity to literally get up and move forward, I perused the local events calendar. I spied a workshop that was using ART as a way to represent what they termed, our “inner demons.” In practice they were talking about those fear based emotions that we all carry, like anger, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. In the words of facilitator Lauren Bohy, “Participants will identify their own unique family of inner demons and focus on one of them to develop into a small stuffed creature. The workshop will culminate in a conference where each participant will have the opportunity to present their inner demon and take questions from the demon and human audience. By giving character to something that feels overwhelming, the stuffed demons become a tool for self-reflection.”

I ended up spending a good part of the day with many incredible heart centered women from the Charlotte, NC area in an art studio where Lauren guided us through self-examination before beginning cloth and wire masterpieces adorned with accoutrements of lace, ribbon, sequins, and fuzzy dangly bits and bobs.

We displayed our inner demon creations one by one, these wonderful representations that held the false beliefs about ourselves that no longer served us. They spoke from a tiny podium telling the group about themselves and answering questions in this safe environment. I was touched by these women's honesty, openness and warm nature. 

There were some tears and some ah ah moments. It was a freeing experience for me, as I shared my demons, my imperfections,  masks and the emotional baggage that I still carry, even as I help others move forward from theirs. No one condemned me, laughed or gave me other than a compassionate look as I let down my ego and showed them who I really am. 

And who am I?

It was their empathy that allowed me to admit that at times I hide my own feelings of inadequacy. I relish the fears I professed that morning as they that release me from that prison of secrecy, the door now ajar. 

It is truly a never ending journey to peace and unconditional love.  I am not perfect, far from it. I am grateful for having more pleasant moments than unpleasant ones these days, but it was time that I embraced my imperfections as human.

I am thankful to the group and amazing gals I was fortunate to meet as I continually look forward on my journey of self-discovery.

Lauren Bohy of lives in North Carolina. . This event was hosted by empowerMUSE through the through the CHARLOTTE NEW CULTURE GROUP.

Sending you love,
LeeZa Donatella


Is Social Media a Platform for Negativity?

 With coffee in hand, I took my laptop out to the zen garden and opened up Facebook to do some administration on my public page.

Today, I happen to peruse a few posts as I took my first sip of that morning brew when I came across one that had a very strong religious slant. The text reads like this:

"I want to say something about the spirituality debate. You don't believe in God? Fine. Why is it so important for many of you to mock those of us that do? If we're wrong, what have we lost when we die? Nothing! How does our believing in Jesus bring you any harm? You think it makes me stupid? Gullible? Fine. How does that affect you? If you're wrong, your consequence is far worse. I would rather live my life believing in God and serving Him, and find out I was right, than not believe in Him, and find out I was wrong. Then it's too late. I believe in Jesus Christ. He said deny me in front of your friends & I will deny you in front of my Father. I am not ashamed- God is Good!!! I am blessed."

Personally, I have no judgment of the origin of where guidance comes as I love and respect people who have strong religious beliefs, for I know that there are many paths to the same destination toward enlightenment. As a spiritualist, I'm not particular to one religion myself, although I speak about Jesus as a great teacher, along with the Buddha.. I  walk along side many past masters on the path to enlightenment.  It allows me to live a blissful life. As I looked upon the above post, the first thing that came to me was the condemnation the person who posted it must have experienced for them to share such a strong message. Does it make you less spiritual to believe in Jesus as a loving being, a brother and teacher of path to enlightenment? No. Should you condemn others for their beliefs? No.  What do I believe? That anyone who tells you that it's there way or the highway, is where the trouble begins. 

I find it disheartening that people feel the need to use social media as a platform to blast others for their beliefs, their politics, their sexual orientation, and anything else that is less than positive. I make it a point to skip over any that perpetuate negativity.

Would I have written this post? No. Those who use social media for debate in such a manner are not vibrating the State of Being Love. Next time someone condemns your path, your looks, your views or your choices, well just ignore them. Don't allow others to incite a negative reaction in you, but take the higher road and savor the wonderful experiences life is offering you.

Sending you love,
LeeZa Donatella