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Friday

Moving Forward after a Breakup



Have you ever had a relationship that didn't turn out well? I think that over the years we have all had those types of experiences.  I certainly have.  I’ve receive a lot of questions regarding moving forward after a relationship and thought it was time I wrote about it. First of all I want you to know that if you are not with the right person, then move on. You DESERVE to be with someone who knows that you are a Goddess and treats you accordingly.

You can't see it, but I am shaking my finger back and forth as I say this! -  If they don't cherish you like the Goddess you are, then they need to go!

Cleansing your Space and Personal Energy
First, it’s always a good idea to "smudge" your home and yourself after you breakup with someone. Doing so clears their energy pattern from your space. Don't know how to smudge?  You can come up with your own words, but saying goodbye to your ex-s energy in a loving way is what I have done. Wish them well as they leave your space. Want more information? Click Here for a Complete Smudging Ceremony and more excerpts from the Smudging for Beginners: Secrets from a Professional. From experience, I can tell you that when you're finished, you space feels good, clean and upbeat. 

Types of Break Ups
Before I explain the types of relationships and the best course of action, let me begin by saying that I'm sorry that things didn't work out well for you and that I empathize with you. I was with someone for several years and it is difficult at times to imagine life without them, even though I know the breakup was for the best.

We’ve Grown Apart
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve grown apart, staying together may keep both of you from experiencing the life you were meant to lead. Whether it’s you, your partner, or both of you that have mutually decided to move on, you should be able to speak rationally to each other about the health of your relationship and come to an amiable parting.

You may remain in contact or maybe you won’t. Regardless, even with the most cordial of breakups either one or both of you may feel hurt. Take time to heal before getting into a new relationship. As I've said before, even with the healthiest of past relationships we take away at least one suitcase full of issues with us when we depart. And no, I don’t care if your luggage is Louie Vuitton, it's still baggage sweetie. Take time to resolve those issues.

It’s true that time does heal all wounds. As we work on ourselves, the hurt from that relationship fades allowing us to move forward with our lives. Work on understanding the lessons from that relationship as you recall the good times; and don't let the negative consume you.

The Never Ending Blemish
Have you ever had an ex-partner who just could not let go of the relationship, keeping it alive by whatever means possible? Perhaps some of you have. Whether you are on good terms with them or not, know that by doing so, it’s their way to stay in your energy field. These ex-partners are like annoying blemishes on your face that just don’t seem to fade. Even when you ignore them, they just don't won't to go away.  Saying the following non-threatening phrase to them, may help get them walking in a direction outside your space.

“You were one of my greatest life lessons. I’ve integrated and moved forward. I pray that you can do the same.”

The Stalker or Abuser
The above statement won’t work if you were stuck in a relationship where the thought of leaving your partner frightens you. Why? Because trying to speak to an irrational sociopath does no good. You know the type, at first they’re incredibly sensitive and attentive, but when you move in together you get a glimpse of the real person and well, it’s not pretty. You end up walking on eggshells because you never know what will set them off next.

Sure, you can get a restraining or protection order, but that does not provide any guarantee. They may ignore it and the police may do nothing to enforce it.  If you’re with someone who’s not happy unless they’re inflicting pain and control over you, then there are 3 things to do:
  1. Seek assistance. No one should have to endure domestic violence. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and visit Womenslaw.org, a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters in the U.S.
  2. Write them a goodbye note wishing them well on their journey. In the letter, tell them that you need to move on. Don't send the note but burn it, as you imagine seeing the back of their head as they walk away from you.
  3. Spend time working with a counselor. No matter what your means, there are many resources to help you get through this, stand up for yourself in a way that does not bring harm upon you and move forward. 
No matter your circumstances, know that you have options, You are a being full of love and no one should have to endure a relationship that is not for their highest good. Moving forward after a break up is an opportunity to write a new chapter in your life. Who knows, it just may be the BEST chapter, thus far.

Wishing you peace this day and always,
LeeZa Donatella
Sites:  www.leezadonatella,com
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By the way, with over 400 articles in Spiritual Spew I'm sure that you will find what you are looking for, so don't forget to check out the archives.

6 comments:

  1. Thanks again LeeZa on a wonderful way to process learn and move on from the lessons of relationships and how they come and go and it's o.k. to be on our own and learn from each one.
    Hopefully we can grow in our spirit and be ready for the next magnificent relationship to come!
    Love, Annie

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    1. You are very welcome. I am often touched when I get a reader who can relate to the daily article. I am glad that it helped you. Blessings and love

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  2. Thank you for this I needed this

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    1. Dear One. Know that the "All that Is" provides us with what we need when we are facing those growth opportunities. I receive a lot of email from folks about many different topics and am always pleased to find out that what I have written helps someone else. We are all connected in this world. Feel free to reach out to info@leezadonatella.com with questions. Blessings.. LeeZa

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  3. Hello Leeza,
    I came to your site seeking a way to move past a breakup. Upon reading your descriptions above, I see that *I* have been the "neverending blemish" on my ex. We had something brief and whirlwind, but wonderful, and I did not expect the "brief" part. He was still hung up on some things in a past relationship and could not focus on me as I thought he was originally able to do, per numerous discussions when we were just starting out. He hit a wall and suddenly did a 180 and broke it off--after an intense few months of us knowing we had tons in common, had fun together, never stopped talking/skyping/emailing/texting/communicating and talking about a future--him acknowledging he had made a mess but then began not communicating clearly as he had previously, when we were together. It was jarring and beyond hurtful, worse than anything or anyone in my life, and I recently was able to tell him that. It has been nearly a year, and though I know intellectually that I deserve better and should have moved on long ago, I still love him dearly and love what we were setting out to have, before he hit that wall. I need to move on, as it clearly doesn't serve me to sit in this hurt, and he has moved on too, despite me knowing his head is still not quite right about relationships and that he'll probably break up with the current girl (nearly 20 years younger than him, good lord), too. What can I integrate into my smudging process that will help me finally move on? Thank you.

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    1. Good evening darling. So I looked at your response and well at some levels agree to disagree. What women today do not realize is that they are wonderful goddesses. That's right you heard me... you are a goddess!!!!!
      A couple of points:
      1. If a man does not treat you as a goddess, then he is not the right guy.
      2. If this guy is dating someone younger... who cares…. he's not good enough
      3. The only thing you have control over is your reaction and self-worth. Goddesses do not settle for crumbs. I'd rather be alone then not get exactly what I deserve. I went that route at one time in my life. Today, however, only the most deserving will have the pleasure of my time and company.

      Sending you blessings and love.. LeeZa Donatella

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