Always Learning Growing and Breaking Through

The way I am guided is at times harsh with extreme opportunities for positive growth, at times prophetic with the right words that move me forward written on a chalk board when I am searching for answers and other times comical. It was a recent Saturday morning and I was to rise early and attend a half day Vipassana silent meditation. Alas, it was cancelled. I decided instead to spend that time in my place, sitting in my hanging chair in quiet meditation. As I sat comfortably legs folded, I found myself on the ground, as the bolt holding it somehow got unscrewed. Nothing was hurt, not even my pride, as I meekly laughed out loud trying not to add to the loud noise that had already roused neighbors at dawn on a well-deserved day off from the hustle and bustle after a long work week.

I looked up to the ceiling professing, “Yeah that was subtle." Was I talking to anyone but myself? Who knows, but I sat on the couch knowing that there was apparently something else that I was supposed to be doing today. This is not the first time that I needed to be hit over the head to move forward and most likely it would not be the last. But this morning, I was paying attention. How could I not, the soreness in my coccyx bone an immediate reminder of the message.  I would like to jump to the moral here before I share with you the wonderful experience I had. Be cognizant of the sighs that are helping you find your way forward. It is much easier to go with the flow that get thrown over to get your attention.

Now to the amazing event that I participated in. With now a new opportunity to literally get up and move forward, I perused the local events calendar. I spied a workshop that was using ART as a way to represent what they termed, our “inner demons.” In practice they were talking about those fear based emotions that we all carry, like anger, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. In the words of facilitator Lauren Bohy, “Participants will identify their own unique family of inner demons and focus on one of them to develop into a small stuffed creature. The workshop will culminate in a conference where each participant will have the opportunity to present their inner demon and take questions from the demon and human audience. By giving character to something that feels overwhelming, the stuffed demons become a tool for self-reflection.”

I ended up spending a good part of the day with many incredible heart centered women from the Charlotte, NC area in an art studio where Lauren guided us through self-examination before beginning cloth and wire masterpieces adorned with accoutrements of lace, ribbon, sequins, and fuzzy dangly bits and bobs.

We displayed our inner demon creations one by one, these wonderful representations that held the false beliefs about ourselves that no longer served us. They spoke from a tiny podium telling the group about themselves and answering questions in this safe environment. I was touched by these women's honesty, openness and warm nature. 

There were some tears and some ah ah moments. It was a freeing experience for me, as I shared my demons, my imperfections,  masks and the emotional baggage that I still carry, even as I help others move forward from theirs. No one condemned me, laughed or gave me other than a compassionate look as I let down my ego and showed them who I really am. 

And who am I?

It was their empathy that allowed me to admit that at times I hide my own feelings of inadequacy. I relish the fears I professed that morning as they that release me from that prison of secrecy, the door now ajar. 

It is truly a never ending journey to peace and unconditional love.  I am not perfect, far from it. I am grateful for having more pleasant moments than unpleasant ones these days, but it was time that I embraced my imperfections as human.

I am thankful to the group and amazing gals I was fortunate to meet as I continually look forward on my journey of self-discovery.

Lauren Bohy of lives in North Carolina. . This event was hosted by empowerMUSE through the through the CHARLOTTE NEW CULTURE GROUP.

Sending you love,
LeeZa Donatella


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